Dear Rafik

Dear Rafik,

You may not remember me; I met you two years ago during my mission trip in Malawi. I was only in your village about 8 days, but in that short time you stole my heart. You just loved to be held and loved on and played with. You were a snuggler and I was happy to supply you with all the holding you could endure because my kids are grown. I held you on the front steps of the unfinished school house while you slept in my arms. The picture that I have posted is probably my favorite picture because your eyes look so big and your face still is chubby and you look so cute with that crown on your head. We taught all the kids at VBS that day that you are a child of the King and this is the crown you made. But, I'm not the only one that bonded with you, so many other people loved you from all the other mission trips; you blessed all of us with your joy and love for everyone.

I had friends that said I would want to bring a child home and they were right. After returning, I told everyone that if I could have adopted a child; you were the one. I would have taken you home in a minute. But I never pursued it. Although I knew your life was hard and your parents had both died from AIDS and you were living with other family members, I had reasoned that it was better for you to stay with family than to go through the transition of living with me. And, then, our church came up with a program to sponsor kids and we sponsored you and so I felt like I was taking care of you with money, but without really taking the responsibility and all the work that goes along with adoption. I sent picture albums so you could remember me and have pictures of yourself and know that I loved you. I had planned on coming to see you every couple years and following your life that way and seeing what God was going to do in the life of such an amazing young boy.

So, Rafik, my sweet baby you are in heaven now and I must ask for forgiveness. Because I know I should have done more, but I didn't. My life is so easy and there is medical care for everyone, cleanliness is not an issue and there is medicine. It never really sunk in with me that you may not live. But, now I see that my little amount of sponsorship money cannot get you out of the poverty and the diseases. I'm so sorry I didn't do more. I'm so sorry that I didn't really check into adoption, I remembered that to adopt in Malawi that you had to live in the country for two years and so I just accepted that. I should have fought harder, but I didn't. Rafik, I hope when we see each other again, that you will forgive me. I don't know what I'm going to do going forward, but I know that your 4 years of life have touched me and I hope that God will use this for something good and maybe we can save lives of other children that live in your village. Can we get a fund in place to pay for medical care? Can we hire a medical doctor? Can we teach the women in the village what to look for and care for sick children?

'Till we meet again...