role of step-mom

Not sure why, but I'm feeling a little sentimental over Hallie. I sent her a package last week and she posted the sweetest video for me on Facebook. I can't figure out how to post it on my blog, so I'll have to tell you: it's her holding a sign that says thank you and she keeps lifting it up so you can see it on the video and it says I love you and then she gives me a big smile! That is priceless to me.

When your the stepmom; sometimes you're just along for the ride. You really don't get to have a say-so in raising this child because the biological parents are doing that. Jay & I can talk, but ultimately it's between him and Hallie's mom. Hallie's home has different rules then we have and that had to be ok and I had to explain that to our own kids who live with us. That just because Hallie gets to do something doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to get the same benefits. And, that's hard. However, Hallie is an exceptional kid and her mom did a great job even though I may have done some things different.

Hallie is a nurturer and she says that before she met Christian and I, she had always hoped for a brother or sister. So, when Jay & I started dating and Hallie could mother Christian, he was 2, life was good. She loved coming to our house, she enjoyed our family time and she was able to balance that with her mom's house. Her mom never remarried and so the dynamics at her mom's house was much different than in our house. Initially, Hallie was unsure what to call me after Jay & I got married. I remember the question, "should I call you mom, now?" Although I was very honored that she would ask me that; I knew that "Lori" was what my name would always be; as it should be. I was a stranger to her mother and had to prove myself; right or wrong. In the beginning, never was I the one to coordinate visits or birthday or Christmas presents. I took my time... I needed to earn trust and that was ok. Just a few weeks ago, myself, Sophie and Hallie's mom were in Edmond, OK to visit Hallie. We had a good time and were even able to laugh at what people must be thinking of us sitting together for Hallie's performances at Freshman Fanfare! My, how things have improved. How blessed I am that Trish and I can talk without any problems. She trusted me to go on a mission trip with Hallie to Africa! Can you see God's hand in this? Hallie and I are good friends, my title stepmom really doesn't fully recognize the relationship that we have. Stepmom drums up so many negative feelings.

Hallie & I have talked and tried to examine our relationship. She says it works for her because I never tried to overstep my role. We've always been friends and now we're very close. I just can't say enough about her! I think I've cried through this whole post!